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Beam Me Up, Jesus

A Heathen's Guide to the Rapture



Jim Gerard
June 2007     ISBN: 1568583273


From Nostradamus to the Watchtower, prophets and scribes have been getting the date of the Rapture wrong. But who can now deny that the portents of the Second Coming are finally here? From wars and rumors of war to famine, flood, and pestilence, from East Coast/West Coast hip-hop battles and the advent of So You Think You Can Dance, the prophecies of the Book of Revelation are finally coming to fruit. The bad news is that the Rapture has come and you've been Left Behind.

The good news is that you unbelievers, heathens, Satanists, French-kissing liberal Democrats and Christians who didn't read the Bible all the way to the end can still have one hell of a good time.

Beam Me Up, Jesus will help you navigate your way through born-again America. You'll discover tips on how to make sure you're not Left Behind, how to protect yourself against giant demonic locusts, how to handle coitus Rapturuptus--that embarrassing moment when your partner disappears right in the middle of intercourse--and what to do when you discover, well, Satan just isn't that into you.

About the Authors

Jim Gerard is an author, journalist, playwright and stand-up comic. He has written humor for the New Republic, Travel & Leisure, Playboy, Maxim, and Cosmopolitan; features for the Washington Post, Salon, Details, New York Observer and many other magazines. He has performed stand-up comedy and is the author of Yankees Suck and Celebrity Skin. His website is www.gangof60.com.



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